As CR6 departs, one can only stop and wonder whether they will ever amount to the talent and wisdom of CR5. The answer (spoiler alert) is no. I know this for a variety of reasons, but I have tried to narrow it down just to 25:
- CR6 more than likely will not illegally see snow on the Swiss Alps by means of a rental go kart that takes them through residential areas as well as onto a freeway with an adult who says that he feels like a kid again.*
- CR6 more than likely will not conquer a Bundeshog.
- Gian won’t be there to order the same damn meal two times in a row, or to get the defective leg of the Bundeshog.
- CR6 won’t understand that ketchup is a form of currency.
- Every student on CR6 will have more than one pair of pants.
- CR6 will fail to surprise Dr. Pitcock with outfits found at a thrift shop.
- CR6 will fail to incorporate the word bundestag into their vernacular.
- CR6 will be serious with their blog posts.
- CR6 can’t rock the skinny jeans like Big Dave can. (ain’t nobody do it like me)
- CR6 will adhere to “no foto”.
- CR6 won’t see The Great Gatsby and rant about it for the following two days.
- CR6 won’t get in photography battles with that certain demographic.
- CR6 doesn’t know what I mean by “that certain demographic”.
- No one in CR6 will coordinate wardrobes with 3 lovely ladies from Asia during the trip to Pisa.
- CR6 won’t have as much fun in museums. One of my recreational hobbies is mimicking faces of statues. Unless there is someone on CR6 who is well practiced in this art, I can say with little doubt that our museum visits will be superior.
- CR6 will ignore gummy bears.
- No one on CR6 will have the most stubbed toe ever.
- No one on CR6 will match the legendary bromance of CR5.
- CR6 won’t rock the sock bun.
- CR6 won’t have Colby to hear things she wished she hadn’t heard.
- CR6 won’t understand the squishy.
- CR6 won’t make Dr. Pitcock laugh as much.
- CR6 will be too quiet on the night train.
- CR6 won’t have access to the shower gods.
- CR5 will always be Dr. Pitcock’s favorite.
Hopefully now it is clear why these shortcomings of CR6 will make it impossible for them to exceed the brilliance and stature of CR5.
*The reason for this folly is that more than likely this group of individuals will be smitten with the “fun car” (ironically neither fun nor really a car). Also likely is the possibility that they will lack the cojones to pry into private residential areas.